After I spent so much time and energy and heart and soul studying for the July Bar, I find that I'm having a hard time motivating myself to expend that amount of effort again for the Feb Bar. I know that the time has not officially come for me to renew that effort because the results have not yet been released but when/if it does come I despair that I'll be inclined to duplicate it.
I had planned to start studying again after Labor Day, and I actually have done a bit of studying, but when I open a book now my mind flashes back to the months of April, May, June and July. I remember immersing myself so deeply into my study program back then that I sometimes felt like I was drowning. I'm not anxious to dip myself into those deep waters once more.
So, all of you who were skeptical of my ability to start studying again so soon, check back with me next week and I'll tell you where you can go to collect your prize. (;-)>
Most of the problem with the planned resurrection of my study regimen is that, subconsciously, I expect to pass. I know I've used a lot of "ink" saying otherwise but I can't imagine anyone getting through law school, then taking the time to study for the Bar, who doesn't expect to be rewarded for their efforts. I suppose that's why it's so tough to find that your name is not on the pass list. Blah.
Having said all of that, my new study date is November 17th. Unless, of course, it's not. Let's hope it's not.
Changing topics... I now have two jobs.
The position with Jonathan is going to be slow in developing into what it eventually may become, and so the number of hours I'm able to work for him are minimal.
But to my good fortune, the ALU Alumni network has come through for me once more. One of my buddies who passed in February '07 talked to a lawyer friend who was working solo and needed help doing case management stuff. I went down and talked to him and started work the next day. He does white collar crime defense and he's teaching me a bit about the biz as we go along. It's only 15 hours a week right now but that, coupled with the hours I get from Jonathan, puts me at about 35% of the salary I need to break even every month. I know it sounds weak when I read it but it's encouraging to be working. And both jobs have the potential to morph into a full time gig. At some point I'll have to make a choice between the two but for now my goal is to get to where my monthly budget numbers are black instead of red.
So things are indeed looking up. This whole huge gamble that I undertook in February of 2003 is finally starting to look like it just might pay off. I used to be reluctant to talk about it because I would always get responses along this line... "Wow. What a gamble you're taking. I don't think I could take such a risk at your age. Did you really take out a second mortgage on your house and cash out your 401k to finance the whole thing? No, you're not crazy! Really! No, I'm serious! Good for you. And good luck with that." And I know that all of my neighbors have talked about me staying at home while I sent my wife off to work for the last four years. I'm sure that conversation has run full circle more than a few times.
But I'm starting to think it will all work out (knock on my wooden head).
(And there's only 57 more days until results.)