Sunday, November 4, 2007

Even though I know the "Day of Destiny" ...

... is only 11 days from today, I only feel nervous when I look at my countdown timer. I don't remember feeling this way as the exam approached. I think I felt like I was in control at that point. But I definitely feel a lack of control as the 16th approaches. And I really don't like feeling like I have no control.

The old, "Out of sight, out of mind" adage really comes into play here. As long as I don't look at that timer, I'm not nervous.

My overriding emotion these days is irritation. I'm irritated that my destiny is not in my control. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that my destiny is in my control. And you're right, of course. It's just that the time when I actually had control was the first seven months of this year, and especially the last week of July. I think the reason that I'm not so nervous right now is that I know how hard I worked during that time. However, despite knowing this, I still feel like I could have done more. I know everyone probably feels the same way. But statistics don't lie, and the 50% pass rate means that I have a 50/50 chance.

The other day, someone told me that I had better pass. I told them that I was currently doing everything in my power to make it so. That is, I was sitting on my butt waiting until November 16th. (;-)>

When I sit here, now, in my spare bedroom which is now my office and was formerly known as my study dungeon (knocking on my wooden head that it stays my office), I think about all of the things that have happened to me since the exam. I think about all of the reasons why I need to pass. What I don't think about is how I wish I could go back and study more. I know that I knew enough law. And if I have to do it again, I know that my improvement will have to come in the presentation.

All will be revealed soon enough. We must have patience.

"Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown."
- Soren Kierkegaard


Richard said...

you are very right about the whole patience thing - it's just so hard tho - the rest of my 'path' for this year and onwards is hanging on that one result and one DAY... ugh - going back to LA in about 10 days tho so can actually get it when im jetlagged :) lol

Amanda said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. For what it's worth (and I know it's probably not much) I have confidence in you. Thanks for the nice comment on my page. I hope you'll keep updating your page beyond that too as we enter into our new endeavors. And until then, I'll be thinking happy thoughts for all of my fellow bloggers in 10 days.