You'll notice that I didn't call them 'nightmares'. That's because they've been strangely ambiguous. In them, I see myself at the computer reading the screen or holding a letter from the Bar. I'm feeling neither joy nor despair. I suspect that's because while my expectations are low, my hopes are high. I fully expect to either pass, or not. (;-)> Anyway, if my dreams are a harbinger of future events (is that redundant?), I will never know whether or not I passed. Hmmm... maybe that means I'll be hit by a train before the sixteenth. I hope not. I like trains. Ah well ... que sera, sera.
You may have noticed that I do my best not to use the "F" word in my posts. I adopted that practice a couple of years ago when I found myself in conversations with others who had taken the exam and had not achieved the minimum score. See! I used "not achieved the minimum score" instead of the "F" word commonly used to describe the result of not achieving a passing score on a test. How clever I am!
Okay, perhaps I'm not so clever. But that practice stems from my tendency to focus on the bright side of events, even if the only thing bright about the situation is the fact that it's not completely without light. After all, there's always next time! I know, I know, that's weak. But it's all I've got right now.
Anyway, I hope to achieve the minimum passing score but I'm not betting the house on it. Actually, in a way, I am betting the house. But with the two jobs, I'm hedging a little.
The thing is, I've heard many stories from people who thought they totally bombed the test then found that they passed. And I've heard stories from people who thought they aced it, then ended up with a score less than 1440. You've heard me say this before, but I feel that there were parts I did well on and parts I did not so well on. My hope is that the parts I did well will carry the parts that I fell down on and not the other way around. But, again, with the unpredictability surrounding this thing, I really have no expectation of passing.
But hope springs eternal.
2 comments:
When I write memos, I have my secretary take out the F's.
How funny about the nightmares. I began having them midlast week, too. Some cognitive psychologist should do a study on this. Something to do with trauma and impending events related to trauma.
The nightmares began even despite me being out of the country, not reading blogs and not thinking about the bar. They still creeped in. .
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