Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The word of the day is: Blasé

The definition I prefer is:
  1. Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence.
I think that's an apt description of me these days.

It's not that I don't care about the results. It's that I'm so freakin' tired of caring about the results.

But I'm one of those people that goes against the grain. I like to go to theme parks on major family holidays when most of the families are home doing the family thing. That leaves very few people to stand in line in front of me for all the rides that usually take 45 minutes to get to the sign that says "45 minutes from this point".

We've been to Europe twice in the winter. We got off the train in Salzburg at 7:00 one February morning with snow falling. There were no tourists (except for us) and the city looked like a postcard. Coffee never tasted so good.

We go to the beach during the week so we don't suffer the summer equivalent of snow-blindness. I get to the golf course at O-Dark-Thirty so I can be in one of the first groups out so my round doesn't take 5+ hours.

But getting back to the issue at hand, I've become blasé about the Bar Exam due to frequent exposure. I've come to detest the thing.

You know how a word loses its meaning when you say, or spell, or use it over and over again in quick repetition? That's happened with me and the Bar Exam.

Blah(sé).

I resent the control it has over my life.

Now if someone had said to me what I just said, that I resent the control it has over my life, I would have responded that the best way to break that control is to prepare so thoroughly for the exam that there's no way you can fail. And then I would have died laughing.

Then, with my last breath, I would have said, "There's nothing you can do about it now. Let it go."

So that's what I've done. I've let it go. And I realize that I'm very lucky to have the ability to put a wall around irritating things like this. An emotional barrier, if you will.

The down-side to this is that if I do get good news on Friday, I won't be very excited. The up-side is that if I get bad news on Friday, I'll just treat it like any other day and begin studying on Saturday.


But when I get up Friday morning, I'm sure all of this will go out the window.

Blah.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

As hard as it may be, the time to let it go is when you put your pencil down at the end of day 3 - that's when it really was out of our control. The whole process wouldn't be so bad if it didn't feel like such a crap shoot - otherwise a person would have a decent idea how the hell they did because there was some readily identifiable way of knowing what the hell the "model" answer might have been. It would also help if the CA Bar would use some other method of "culling" other than the bar exam. I am qualified to practice in a Canadian jurisdiction, and there getting into law school was the cut. While our bar exam was difficult, it wasn't intended to fail 50% just because the current members of the bar wanted to maintain their billable hours.

conbrio said...

Hey you -

Just want to let you know I'm thinking about you and sending lots of good thoughts your way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!
conbrio

NYgirlmovingtoCALI said...

I just want to say good luck tomorrow and thanks for keeping this blog. I have been reading it since February and your postings make me laugh every time I google "California Bar Results February 2008" (thinking just maybe that results will be posted early this year) and your blog comes up - it calms my insane and neurotic level of anxiety and anticipation and makes me realize I am not alone in my insanity. I am going to be on a plane tomorrow evening, which does not land until at 6:44 pm PST – If the plane is late, you might hear about me on the news.

Measuring Life said...

I hear ya. Hang in there. Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for putting yourself out there.
Good Luck!

calbar blondie said...

Thanks, GP, for the great insight and to putting this whole thing into perspective. I especially admire your attitude and tenacity about the whole process. Thinking good thoughts for you and for all similarly situated!

Anonymous said...

GP - I have you in my thoughts this Friday. Thank you for helping me through the process and may you get what you deserve - a P-A-S-S!!!

Anonymous said...

I want to thank you, GP, for helping us through this process--more than you know. Although I realized early on that you were not going to make as many entries as you did the first go 'round, I looked to your site religiously; I wanted affirmation that my feelings were "normal." Even reading the comments have helped. I, like so many others, have all my friends and family members praying for success. Good luck, everyone! I can only imagine how wonderful it will feel to read that "Your name is on the pass list!" Dear God, please!!!

Anonymous said...

Just to put it in perspective, aren't you glad that this is not still true..."As I write this, according to my timer, there are 6 days, 3 hours, 34 minutes, and some seconds left"

Almost over...

Annabella said...

Hi there - I'm an out of state attorney who took the CA bar for the first time in February 2008. Found your blog while aimlessly googling to see if maybe by some miracle the results came out early!

Wishing you very well this coming Friday - may we all pass!

Cheers,
Anna

The Grand Poobah said...

Anon 5:14: Yeah, what you said! The whole process seems, somehow, out of whack. But, like any other big bureaucracy, a fix is not on the horizon.

Conbrio: Thanks, Dear! I hope I can cheer you on from the cheap seats in July instead of from down on the playing field alongside you. Positive Waves, Babeee! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing but Positive Waves!

NYgirlmovingtoCALI: I think the Bar Exam admission ticket serves double duty as a "Get Out Of The Psych Ward Free" card for the days between the Thursday of the exam and midnight Sunday after the results. (;-)>

Measuring Life: Back at ya'!

Anon 11:04: Welcome, you are! And Thanks!

Calbar Blondie: Thanks! I hope we all get good news and are finally able to move on.

Anon 1:47: Thanks much! And you're welcome. I hope the graders see my work and decide that I deserve to pass. Of course, by now, that decision's been made. I almost don't want tomorrow to come.

Anon 1:58: I'm glad that I could help. Even if I never pass, it's good to know that I somehow helped someone else through this ordeal.

Anon 2:06: You're exactly right! It seems like just yesterday that I wrote that. Time flies when you've got your head buried in the sand! (;-)>

Annabella: I think the Bar actually did inadvertently make the results available on the website early one year. I suspect they've put safeguards in place to prevent that from happening again. Thanks for the good wishes. I too, hope we all pass.

Anonymous said...

as a repeater for the july 2008 bar in Ohio, I completely understand where you are coming from. i am wishing you the best of luck!

Anonymous said...

OMG.....Almost there...I am so nervous I do not know what to do with myself...I have to work tomorrow on an attorney's deposition when all I want to do is sit and wait....lol...maybe it's better I am working...pondering

Anonymous said...

GP and All Other Feb. 2008 CA Bar Hopefuls...

I, like many of you, failed the CA Bar on my first go around (July 2006). And I, unlike many of you failed on my second go around (Feb. 2007). But alas, I was finally able to muster a pass last summer and finally leave the bar exam madness in the rear view mirror.

Because it took such an exacting toll on my confidence, psyche, physical and emotional health I am still following the bar exam madness. I wish all of you the very best of luck come tomorrow. If you get the good fortune to see your name on the pass list tomorrow--congratulations!!! If you are not so lucky, don't despair too much. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck everyone. You each deserve great respect no matter the outcome...

Anonymous said...

Didn't go through what you did, made it the first time, but I always felt like--there but for the grace of god go i.

we exchanged several messages--i think i actually ticked you off at one point.

well--best of luck to you today. Hoping you will read the best of news.

Patrick, old guy now 50.

The Grand Poobah said...

Patrick: I think it was more like irritation. Or maybe, a rash, or hives, or something.... (;-)>

No worries though. Communications through this medium are frequently misconstrued. It's kind of like trying to perform brain surgery while wearing welder's gloves. Our effectiveness is limited.

But we've got bigger fish to fry today, eh?

Cheers, old guy!

Anonymous said...

GP,

I hope you have one LAST post today before the results come out. I am curious to hear your perspective and advice to anyone waiting on their results for the second time. The "Do's and Dont's of waiting". That way, anyone who has to wait in the future could use that as a resource for how to pass the time in the least painful way. Thx

Anonymous said...

i'm also waiting for CA results to come down @ 6 p.m. good luck to you tonight, and hopefully we can bump into each other in the courtroom some day soon!

Anonymous said...

i'm a second timer as well....waiting for results this evening...its hard to concentrate on anything else.

good luck to all!

MN said...

GP, thanks for the wonderful blog, which has been a great resource. Best of luck to all of you who were skilled and hardworking enough to pass! Best wishes!